IF HE HITS YOU, HE LOVES YOU; DEMYSTIFYING MYTHS AND VIOLENCE.
After a very long day at work, I had dinner, took a cold bath and went straight to bed as I was dog
tired. I had only shut my eyes for a few seconds when I heard my neighbour Adeola, a 25 years old
woman crying loudly as her husband hit and called her names. Not again I said to myself, it was too
late to interfere so, I waited till the next day.
I waited till her husband left the house for work then i knocked on the door softly, she opened the
door forcing a smile with swollen eye bags and a slight cut on her lips. I got in and we had a long
conversation, she stated that she has reported the reoccurring incident to her parents who told her it
is a sign of love and that a man only beats the woman he is madly in love with, this statement has
made her endure the pain and remain with him.
Not just Adeola, Research has shown that a lot of women wallow in ignorance and beliefs that, ‘’a
man only hits the woman he loves’’. This statement is so wrong and untrue as a man that hits his
wife is exhibiting violence and if care is not taken will one day take the life of his wife or partner.
Research also shows that 7 out of 10 women are physically abused by their husbands or partners. In
an effort to understand domestic violence and abusive relationships, I spoke with a few friends and
strangers to find out what they know about men beater and the reason for their violent behaviour
towards their partners;
- Abusers often are possessive of the woman they beat up: They are often possessive of their
partners and mistake it for love which makes them even more jealous and controlling, they don’t
know ways to express it. They most likely grew up in a home where there was violence. - Abusers blame their partners for provoking them; however, brainwashing their partner to
think it was their fault they hit them. - When abusers apologize, it’s another form of taking control: Men who abuse women can
be dramatically remorseful, crying, begging for forgiveness, buying gifts and promising to
never become violent again. - Guys who abuse are insecure and lack impulse control: They can seem completely normal
and stable at times. It’s the fear of losing their girlfriend or being unable to control her that
leads to the intense outburst of rage and violence. - If your boyfriend is violent, it’s unlikely he will be cured: Most abusers don’t get the help
they need in order to stop. They do not want help because they don’t believe what they are
doing is wrong.
Furthermore, Women suffer in silence and hesitate to report such cases due to both cultural
and religious values as well as family interference and the fact that they already bore
children for the man, it is important to note that, the beatings are likely to worsen over time.
It is advisable to seek help from family, close friends or a domestic abuse organisation and
leave if it has gone out of control while you are still alive. Women need to be sensitised on
knowing their rights and know that there are organizations and laws implemented to support
them. Men must also be sensitised to do away with toxic masculinities or face the
consequences when brought to the court of law.
Finally, If you need help with an abusive spouse or boyfriend, Please call or reach out to
Precious Rubies e-legal Foundation by calling +2349093179591 and +2348101412384 or
send a mail to foundation@elegalonline.com
